Hindu Weddings: What to Expect

Here at Significant Events, we do a lot of weddings. And one of the things that we have become specialists and experts in in the last 18 years of having this business are many different multicultural weddings, specifically South Asian weddings. So, I wanted to give you a little bit of guidance in case you are attending a Hindu wedding for the first time, and you’re not sure what to expect.

First of all, when I said notice that I said specifically Hindu weddings, these weddings are typically held by Indian clients. Sometimes when both clients are Indian or where just one of them is, but that does not mean that all Indian clients are Hindus. You would be surprised how many people make this assumption and generalization. Please remember that India is a gigantic country full of many different cultures and different regions. We have many Indian clients who are Muslim, many Indian clients who are Christian or Sikh, and some that are not religious at all. Odds are if you’re getting an invitation to an Indian wedding and it is not being held at a Christian church and you’re being invited at all, it’s probably a Hindu wedding. Most Muslim weddings of Indians, Pakistanis, or Bengalis – not all the guests attend those, and sometimes they’re held at a mosque or with a smaller group of people. So, odds are, if you’re invited to an Indian wedding, it probably is a Hindu wedding. Here are some things that you need to know:

Attire

You might be wondering if you are invited to a Hindu wedding, do you need to buy Indian attire to wear? You are welcome to. If you are not an Indian person, you are not going to be offending anyone or bothering anyone if you wear that stuff. It is beautiful. I honestly have never been a guest at a Hindu wedding and I would like to just so that I could buy a beautiful saree or a lengha and wear it. My clients always offer to get this for me to wear to the wedding while I’m working, but it doesn’t seem very practical. You are welcome to dress in Indian attire, and you’re also welcome to not. It’s very common for non-Indian guests to be in more traditional Western dresses and suits, and that is completely fine. It is really up to you.

Timing

You might be wondering, “Do I need to be at the event at the time designated on the invitation? I have heard that these events sometimes don’t start on time.” That is true. There is a cultural habit within the South Asian community that often social events do not start on time. I would check with your friend or family member who is inviting you to their Hindu wedding of whether or not they expect that it will start on time. I can tell you that, if one of the couple is not Indian, it is more likely to start on time because the Indians don’t want that reputation to be established with the other guests that they don’t start on time. It’s not really considered like a disrespectful thing or a problem if it doesn’t start on time, but it is part of the culture sometimes. So, I would check with your friends to see what’s the likelihood of it starting on time because you don’t want to get there right on time, then it doesn’t start for another hour, and then you’re just kind of sitting around. I will say that in recent years, most of our Indian events do start on time.

Invitations and Formality

You may be wondering about the formality of the event because there is a chance that the invitation that you received was a digital invitation. A digital invitation in most cultures might convey that the wedding is going to be less formal. That is not necessarily the case with most South Asian events in general, but since we’re talking about Hindu weddings, a lot of that changed during Covid when we did have to shift to a more digital approach But also, a lot of our Indian clients are inviting guests and family members who do live in India, and the mail system there is not as reliable as it is here. Not that I feel like our mail system is that reliable anymore! However, just because your invitation is a digital invitation doesn’t mean it’s not formal. Be sure and check the attire that’s listed on their wedding website to see the level of formality. Don’t just assume that it’s informal just because the invitation might have been emailed to you.

Will Alcohol Be Served?

You might be wondering if alcohol is going to be served at this event. Most Hindu weddings alcohol. They love to party and have a good time! It is not something that’s a violation of their religion. So, you should expect that there will be alcohol and plenty of it, the bar will be really fun, and people of all ages will be drinking and having a good time at the various events that happen during a Hindu wedding.

The Sangeet

For immediate family members or a wedding party, there are several events during the week leading up to a Hindu wedding that occur. But, typically as just a guest, you are not invited to all the smaller pre-events. The first one you’re probably going to be invited to is what we call the Sangeet. A Sangeet is a technically kind of like a Rehearsal Dinner in Western culture, and it’s a fun party the night before the wedding. It’s typically very colorful, and that’s the time to wear your most colorful attire if you wanted to. There are a lot of dance performances that are typically done, and if you are a wedding party member in a Hindu wedding, you are going to be expected most likely to do a dance performance at the Sangeet. So get ready to practice some choreography!  The food itself is often Indian food, but not necessarily all vegetarian. If the other part of the couple is not Indian, there may be a variety of food, and it may not be all Indian. This event typically lasts about 4 hours. There is dancing and it doesn’t go super late into the night, but it typically does go like until about 10:00 or 11:00.

The Baraat

The morning of an Indian wedding is most likely going to start with a baraat. That is not something that all Hindu clients do, but most regions of India do the Baraat. The Baraat is kind of like a parade. If we were still in India having the celebration, traditionally the groom, all the guests, and all the family members would start in the groom’s hometown or an area of the city where he lived, and there would be kind of like a parade to bring him to the bride’s home where he would be blessed and welcomed into the family by the bride’s parents into their home. So when you see a baraat held in America, it is to symbolize that tradition. Baraats are very fun! Sometimes the groom is on a horse, sometimes he’s on an elephant, sometimes he’s in a car, sometimes he’s just walking. There is typically a DJ playing music, often out of a van. Sometimes they have a dhol player, which is the drummer that plays the kind of ovular shaped drum. There’s music playing, and it’s very fun, everyone is celebrating, and they’re kind of traveling with the groom to the entrance of the ceremony where he will be received by the Bride’s family by being given a blessing/puja Spices are put on his head, and the priest is there. Everybody is able to witness all of that, and it’s a fun time. It does start in the morning typically due to the fact that most Hindu ceremonies are held in the morning at an auspicious time of around 10:00 in the morning. Sometimes this is done later in the day, but more often than not it’s held in the morning. So that is not a typo on your invitation; you are typically starting the day of a Hindu wedding in the morning.

The Ceremony

Hindu ceremony itself is the oldest ceremony wedding ceremony in all of religions across the world. It’s over 4,000 years old, and it has a lot of elements to it that date back to those earliest historical times. Various regions of India do slightly different things in each Hindu ceremony. It is facilitated by a Pandit, which is like a priest, and it may or may not have elements in it that are in English. Some may be in Hindi, some is in Sanskrit. Sometimes there’s no component of it in English at all. The length of time of the Hindu ceremony typically varies between 1 hour to 2 hours. I have had some have had some as short as 45 minutes and some as long as 2.5 hours, so it is going to be a longer ceremony. Hopefully your friends have made a program for you to understand all that’s happening. But don’t worry if they don’t because they probably don’t understand half of what’s happening on stage either, and they’re just kind of going along with what the priest tells them. It is very common in a Hindu ceremony for there to be food and beverage. This always is surprising to non-Indian guests. I always let them know as they’re entering the Hindu ceremony that there could be appetizers, there could be snacks in your seat, there could be chai, coffee, water, and sodas that are to the side. People get up during the ceremony and eat, drink, talk, and walk around. That is often very surprising for people who have never attended a ceremony outside of like a church or a temple., but it’s very normal. It’s not offensive. It’s not considered rude. It’s very common. So you will see a lot of movement and talking. You’ll be surprised sometimes how the photo and video team is right there up on the altar, but these are all very normal elements of a Hindu ceremony. So just enjoy seeing the different cultural aspects happen. Don’t worry if you don’t understand everything. Get yourself a snack and a drink and enjoy the show. It is provided for you because the family knows it is a longer ceremony, and they want you to be comfortable. Indians are very hospitable people, and they want their guests to feel welcome and to feel cared for during the event.

Stealing the Groom’s Shoes!

During the ceremony, possibly before it, maybe after it, or maybe during the reception, you may see an instance where the groom’s shoes are taken maybe literally physically removed from his feet by children that are at the event, of which there are often many. Children are typically invited to a Hindu wedding. I have had Hindu weddings with as many as 150 children in attendanc, so that’s a whole other level of….fun. Haha!  So don’t be surprised if, all of a sudden, there’s this like weird tussle happening in the middle of everything and all of a sudden some kid is running off with the groom shoes. It’s like a fun little thing, and he’s supposed to pay to get the shoes back. It’s just a fun, playful tradition, so don’t be surprised if you see that happen.

Post-Ceremony Lunch

Following a Hindu ceremony, there is typically a lunch. Most food at Indian weddings is served buffet style. just due to the fact of how Indian food presents the best. This lunch will almost always be exclusively Indian and likely be exclusively vegetarian even if the clients themselves are not vegetarian. There are many many Gods in Hinduism, many of which are animals. Therefore, the respect is given to the fact that this ceremony just occurred in that meal following a ceremony Hindu ceremony is typically vegetarian. Even if your friends are not vegetarian, it’s very high odds that they do not eat beef. The cow is a sacred animal in Hinduism, so don’t be expecting to come to a Hindu wedding and eat a steak because it’s probably not going to happen. Some do serve beef but, more often than not, they don’t, even if they might eat beef themselves just because they know so many guests would not approve of that.

Break Between Ceremony & Reception

Because of the fact that the ceremony is in the morning, not unlike Catholic weddings where there is often an afternoon ceremony, after the Hindu lunch there is typically a break, and that break might be 2 to 5 hours long. Many Hindu weddings are held in hotels making it convenient for their guests that are traveling from India. Also, just because of that break, it’s a really good idea honestly, even if you’re local, to possibly get a room at the hotel where the events being held or close by so that, during that break, you can relax and maybe change your attire. It’s not uncommon to see guests have two or three different looks that they’re wearing over the course of a Hindu wedding weekend. So, just know that break is normal, and it’s something you should be prepared for and make sure you have something to occupy that time.

The Reception

Lastly is the reception. A Hindu wedding reception is not really that different from a reception of most other cultures. You’re going to have a dinner, and it may or may not be Indian. It may be a plated meal that is American style. It may be a mix. It may be all vegetarian, or it may not be. You, of course, can ask your friends what the meal expectation is going to be if you are attending this event. There is typically plentiful amounts of food. They want to make sure everyone is very well fed. There are typically multiple desserts; usually a cake, but also some Indian desserts as well or maybe some other American desserts. We do all kinds of fun desserts at Hindu weddings all the time. There will also be of course dancing, partying, and some drinks being served. You will also see likely some dance performances at the reception though fewer than you saw at the Sangeet. There will also be toasts, possibly a lot of them. It is not uncommon for there to be 30 – 60 minutes of toasst/speeches at Indian weddings, and that sometimes surprises people due the length of them. But it is very common because they want to give both sets of parents, the siblings, the best man, the maid of honor, all a chance to give their heartfelt words to the bride and groom. Then you go right back into the party. Sometimes these events are very colorful, but over time I’ve seen them have a more neutral palette, more like they would see in American weddings. You can dress as colorfully or as subdued in colors as you want. Again, it does not have to be Indian attire that you’re wearing.

I know for a lot of people when they are invited to a Hindu wedding, it may feel very overwhelming,not knowing what to expect. Truly, I want you to know I have done so many of these at this point, and your friends are more than happy to describe expectations to you. And those expectations are really very minimal. They just want you to come and have a good time and experience their culture. They are typically very fun and full of love and full of food and different elements of color, celebration, and words of affection. They really are a great celebration that I hope everyone gets to be part of at some point in their life. If you ever have any questions about what to expect, you can always reach out to me. Hopefully this helps you if you are attending a Hindu wedding in the future.