Odds are That One or More of These Things Will Go Wrong on Your Wedding Day
October 19, 2026Hindu Weddings: What to Expect
October 6, 2026A topic I discuss with my clients a lot is who will walk you down the aisle on your wedding day especially when it’s not going to be the traditional role of your biological father. I’ll share a personal story with you and that is that I was in a similar situation myself whenever I was getting married almost 20 years ago. I lost my mom when I was young. She died when I was nine years old, and my father did not handle that very well. My life with him was very difficult, and he was a very abusive person. We had ups and downs in our relationship, so when it came time for my wedding, the thing I was most worried about was walking down the aisle because I really didn’t like the idea of everybody watching me. I didn’t like the idea of this fake moment in my heart of this loving and supportive father who was giving me away when I felt like he had pretty much given me away a really long time ago. I really wanted to walk down the aisle either with my brother or by myself. But I thought it was going to cause too many problems if I brought this up to my dad, and we were in a relatively good place whenever I was getting married. So, I decided to just go ahead and let him do it. I have kind of regretted that later in my life as our relationship dissolved again not too long after my wedding and never repaired itself again after that. But, at the same time, I understand why I made the choice that I made, and in life you kind have to make choices based on the information you have and the feelings you have in the moment. Regardless, I know how hard this can be, and I try and have a lot of empathy for my clients and discuss options with them whenever they’re in a similar situation.
Anyone Can Walk You Down the Aisle
First of all, I’ll tell you there’s no right or wrong. Literally anyone can walk you down the aisle on your wedding day. It doesn’t have to be your father. It doesn’t have to be someone opposite gender of you. It can be your mother, a grandparent, a sibling, a friend, a whole bunch of people, no one. It’s really your decision. No matter what anyone tells you, no matter what a church tells you, a synagogue, a temple, whatever it may be, there are no rules with this part. There are a lot of rules and traditions with the sacraments and what may happen on the altar, but when it comes to who walks you down the aisle, that is truly your decision. Don’t let anyone tell you differently, not a family member or not a religious institution. You get to make that decision.
How to Handle Step-Parents Processing
What do you do when you have step-parents? Very common situation. Let’s say, for example, you have a father and a stepfather. Does the stepfather walk you down the aisle? I get that question a lot, and it’s a tough one, I know. Divorces are complicated and painful. Sometimes they’re amicable, and your divorced parents get along just fine and get along with the step-parents/new spouses. It’s very lucky when that happens, but it is not the norm. What I always tell couples is, in terms of your step-parents either walking you down the aisle or walking down the aisle at all like in the processional when the family walks down the aisle, the best rule to follow is how long has that step-parent been in your life? If this step-parent has been involved in raising you for a good portion of your life, then I do feel they deserve a place as part of the processional. Maybe it’s not giving you away if you’re the bride, but perhaps it’s walking down the aisle earlier and sitting in a place of honor and maybe having a flower that designates a position of honor. I personally think, and I am a mother myself to two teenagers, that if you are remarried later in life and you are bringing a step-parent into your child’s life later that has not really been involved in their life very much, there should not be the expectation that that new spouse of yours should walk down the aisle. Perhaps they could be seated with you in the front, perhaps not. Maybe they need to be in the second row because maybe the first needs to be reserved for the biological family. These are important conversations as parents of the bride and groom. You need to have some self-awareness, and you need to have some empathy for the situation that the bride and groom are in, in terms of how long this person has been in their life. Are you just really forcing this situation because you want it for yourself or because this person has really been instrumental in helping raise the bride and groom? Ask yourself that question.
Is It Worth it to Take a Stand?
The hardest part really becomes, as a bride or groom, asking yourself if it is worth it to make a stand about this. Like I said in my own situation, I really did want to make a stand about this. I wanted to walk by myself. I felt that doing things on my own and having to stand on my own two feet and be strong was something I had been having to do my entire life. Why should I create this false situation just for the sake of my wedding? But, like I said, that day, I felt it was easier to keep the peace. It was easier not to start some big fight with my dad. It was easier not to have to be guilted about this for years afterwards. So I allowed it, and that’s okay. You may have to make that decision that letting family members be part of the processional or wear a flower or sit in the front row or walk you down the aisle even or dance with you for special dances is something you may not really want to do in your heart, but it’s easier than causing this big dramatic situation that is going to be held against you for the rest of your life. Sometimes it’s just not worth it. Sometimes it is, and when it is, you should do what you feel is right.
Just Being a Parent Doesn’t Earn You these Moments
I will say too that I don’t feel as a mom that I earned the right to walk my child down the aisle just by virtue of giving birth to him. I earned that right by loving him, respecting him, taking care of him, and being there for him his entire life. Parents, again, I ask you to look inside yourselves and – if you’ve been an absent parent, an abusive parent, a neglectful parent – that doesn’t automatically give you the right to walk your child down the aisle or dance with them in a parent dance. Even if you paid for the wedding. That’s a very hard moment to come to. Many of us can never reach that point of saying, “I made these mistakes and, because of that, I don’t deserve this moment.” But it is a conversation you need to have within yourself and with each other if this is something that you truly feel you feel strongly about.
In conclusion, brides and grooms, I’m giving you permission to do what you want to do and to do either what you think is right or to do what you think is easy. Any of those things are okay. The most important thing on your wedding day is to enjoy the day. Remember the new family you’re creating with your spouse, try to put the rest of that behind you, and do whatever is going to make the most sense that day for you and your family.